The reasons why parents should have a second child: 1) So the older sibling can attempt to live out her fantasy of taking the Snuggle fabric softener bear to show and tell (the next best thing to an advertising icon is clearly a little tiny infant with a full vocabulary, like Stewie, but sweeter). 2) So the older child can become enraged that the newborn speaks nothing like the Snuggle Bear or Stewie, but will go on to allow this younger sibling to manifest a secret language only understood by the elder child (and certainly not the parents). 3) So the older, terribly shy and bad-at-flirting sibling can send the little cute blonde one to grab the quarterback of the high school football team, drag him across the hockey field and force introductions (when the older one is 11 and the younger, 7). 4) So the older sibling can grow up to start a blog and use this younger child/victim as photographer, model, actress and H.W. Plainview. It all worked out perfectly.
Happy Birthday, Port, my little victim!